Usually Christmas decorations are stored in the basement or attic, and often the conditions might be damp and cold. To avoid allergic rhinitis due to this, make sure that you dust and clean the surface of your artificial Christmas tree and other decorations both before you put them up and before you store them away. Ensure they are stored in clean and dry plastic bags. Throw in a few naphthalene balls or use mite repellants to keep them safe.

Even while handling real Christmas trees make sure that sap, dust, mold and pollen is reduced to the minimum. Have a fantastic and allergy-free Christmas!

1. Turn them into compost – Dry autumn leaves, grass clippings from your lawn mower bag and organic waste from your kitchen can be piled up in a corner of your yard. Keep this heap moist and occasionally turn it over. Your compost will soon be ready for you to put it to good use.
2. Use them as mulch – Collect autumn leaves and place them in your garden beds. For winter mulch it is best to wait till most of the leaves are fallen and then put them in. Once these leaves break down, they will naturally enrich your garden bed, and protect the soil and plants.

So there you go – Isn’t this ‘eco’nomical?

A smart way to begin green driving is to ensure that your car is fitted with proper tires. High resistance tires can waste up to 20% fuel making the car work harder. It pays to spend investing in good tires than wasting fuel money in the long run.

Turn off your engine at traffic lights if your wait is longer than a minute. The same energy can be used to restart the car in idle mode. By turning off the engine you would be reducing green house gas emission.

Consider traveling to work by carpooling. If three of your neighborhood pals and you take turns driving the others to work you can save at least 25% of your individual fuel cost.

The easiest way to save fuel and the planet is to walk shorter distances instead of driving. This will keep you healthy, wealthy, and yes, if you do this you ARE wise.

The increasing demands of modern life often put tremendous stress on our minds and our bodies. Of course, some stress is not necessarily bad. Some stressful situations prompt us to wake up and achieve, while other stressful situations arise to protect us from hazardous situations.

Although stress is not an illness per se, negative stress creates both emotional and physical effects on the body. Unfortunately, some of the long term effects of stress are not noticed until it’s too late.
The term “stress” was coined by Hans Selye who, as a medical student in the 1920’s, noticed some interesting similarities in his patients as they experienced many different illnesses. He found that our bodies react to stress following a certain pattern of responses. When we are faced with a stressor, our resistance levels go through one of three phases:

Alarm Response- When people are exposed to stressors, the body at first copes with the situation by using available energy and protective stress hormones, thereby triggering a biochemical reaction known as “the fight or flight” reaction. Stress hormones are released into the bloodstream, creating an increase in blood pressure, heart palpitations, excess perspiration, muscle tension, increased blood-sugar levels and faster and deeper breathing. In addition, we may experience a sudden surge of adrenaline, should we need it, which would provide us with extra physical capabilities.

Adaptation- If the stressor no longer exists, the body resumes functioning in its normal level of resistance. However if the stress continues, the body must adapt. The body may feel temporarily okay, however the stores of energy begin to be used up and over time the body begins to lose its’ ability to function properly. Feelings of irritability, fatigue, apathy and lethargy may develop.

Exhaustion- When high levels of stress continue for a long period of time, and the body does not have enough time to recharge, our resistance is decreased and an imbalance in hormones often occurs. This can cause a suppressed immune system, a decrease in metabolism and a decrease in the rate of cellular repair. The body may begin to feel exhausted, run down, or psychologically and physically “burnt out.”

Selye’s findings point out however, that if we allow ourselves to get occasional relief from stress and we take good care of our bodies, it is less likely that we will suffer the effects of exhaustion.

Our reaction to stress can easily be changed. Sometimes we may feel like a dartboard, with stressful situations being thrown at us from all directions. Financial worries, arguments with loved ones, pressures at work, health issues are all stresses we deal with at one time or another. If it is raining, I would give you an umbrella to shield you from the rain but, I cannot stop the raindrops from falling. And of course, I cannot stop the stresses that occur daily, however I can show you wonderful, effective, fun methods you can easily use, at any time, that will help decrease stress and with a little practice, eliminate the negative effects stress has on you.

We all know how wonderful it feels to laugh. Norman Cousins wrote a book entitled, “Anatomy of an Illness, “ in which he discussed how, through the use of laughter, it is actually possible to heal illness. Bernie Siegel MD, in “Humor and Healing” emphasizes the importance of laughter to help prevent disease. Deepak Chopra, another noted author states that laughter and having fun, actually changes the body chemistry and creates “happy molecules” that help fight illness. In addition laughter lowers blood pressure, reduces pain, boosts the immune system, exercises your lungs and relaxes your muscles.

So let’s laugh as often as possible!!! Laughing out loud is wonderful. But, did you realize that any time someone upsets you or you feel stressed, you can actually laugh in “your mind” to yourself? Nobody has to know what you are doing. Just focus on the laughter in your mind and with practice, you will be able to magically block out any negativities aimed at you.

Here…Ready…Let’s laugh for a few minutes!!!

How great is that?

Another wonderful and effective way to block out stress, to block out someone’s yelling, nasty remarks, criticism or your own negative mind chatter is by using gibberish, by making sounds out loud or to yourself and saying nonsense, not actual words. Allow yourself to really get into it, making silly sounds and even moving your hands and body if possible. Concentrate solely on the sounds you are making, blocking out all outside noise. Do this exercise for a few minutes. Estimate two minutes and abruptly stop…and sit still.

Here…Ready…Let’s do it!!!!

Dabadadadaddadmaticallitalipatinuratiomnietterpitikuookielatiti!!

Didn’t that feel great? You actually released the stresses, as you used the gibberish. This occurred because it is impossible to have two emotions or two thoughts at the same time. So when you were concentrating on the gibberish, everything else was blocked out of your mind. What a wonderful trick!!

Another great way to rid oneself of stress or any discomfort is to merely blow it far away. Think of something that upset you slightly. Take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds and then blow it out of you. We’ll do this a few times, and as you do this exercise imagine the stress or discomfort floating far away from you, till it actually disappears.

Okay… Ready…Take a deep deep breath of positive energy…hold it…hold it…Now blow it out..Blow it out…Blow it far away….Imagine the stress or discomfort floating away…Allow it to disappear…(repeat a few times)

How wonderful to be able to blow away any discomfort and anything that upsets us!!

You can easily take control of both your mind and your body by practicing the three techniques described.

1. Laughter
2. Gibberish
3. Blow it away

They will reverse the stress response and help you cope better with life’s challenges.

Remember to use these methods as often as possible, until they become a habit, whether you’re feeling stressed or just want to relax, clear your mind or to meditate. The results are powerful!!!

You’ll be amazed!!!

By Maggie Ferenczi Ph.D, MPH

“What is this loneliness I am feeling? Who can I call? I feel like sharing my thoughts, but with whom? No matter what I do, that strange awful feeling follows me around. I am confused. I do have some friends and I do have a job, and yet…I am lonely.”

Loneliness is a negative mental and emotional state, portrayed by feelings of isolation and a lack of meaningful relationships.

Some loneliness is temporary. For example, when one goes to a party or a singles dance, and they don’t see a familiar face and don’t have anyone to talk to, they may feel alone. It is however important to remember that this is a normal state…Being in a crowded room can be lonely. Being in a crowded room, is not enough to make one overcome loneliness…We must always remind ourselves that this type of situation is temporary.

When one however, has few friends to share good times with, or when one lacks the affection they crave, it is important to remedy the situation. We are all aware of the fact that it is possible to meet people at school, at work, at clubs, at the laundromat and many other places.

“Okay…so how do I make friends when I go to those places? I am friendly, but am not sure what to say. I don’t want to sound stupid.”

Studies have indicated that many people have “personal magnetism,” “charm” and “charisma.” But what if you don’t? Don’t worry. That’s not a problem. Although people think that one is born with these gifts, the truth is that they can be, and in most situations are learned.

The major method to attract others to you is by developing an “attractive” personality. If your personality seems attractive to others, they will be attracted to you, whether you are physically attractive or not.

Remember, if you want to be more attractive to others, and say goodbye to the loneliness, it can and will happen. The way people react to you is in your control.

Follow these simple rules, and you will attract friends and will be well liked…

1. Pay honest compliments – Look for something you genuinely admire in a person and express it verbally and sincerely. Don’t ever make anything up.
   “I love that dress. It has such beautiful colors.”
   “Your jokes are really amusing.”
   “Thank you for sharing that information with me.”
   “Wow, I never knew that!!”
2. Remember that we all have an ego- It is crucial to concentrate your attention on the needs of the person with whom you are talking, and to put your own needs aside temporarily. Make the other person feel important. Ask yourself, ”What would make this person feel valued?” When you feed the other person’s ego with sincerity, they will appreciate you and want to get to know you better.
3. Smile often– We are all aware of the adage, “Laugh and the world laughs with you..Cry and you cry alone.” When you smile, you attract people to you. When you frown, people will tend to avoid you. A genuine smile indicates many things.“I am interested in getting to know you.”
   “I feel good.”
   “I’m enjoying myself.”It is interesting to note that when you will yourself to smile, your emotional state will follow. Also remember, a smile is contagious.
4. Be a good listener - When you are having a conversation with someone, it is important to let them know you are interested in their thoughts and are listening to what they are saying. Saying “uh huh” or nodding your head indicates you are listening.
5. Mirror the person you are with – This is a simple little trick you can do to be well liked and perceived as an empathetic person.
   Match the other persons facial expression, smiling or frowning when they do. Match the way they stand, their body movements and the way they speak. Speak quickly if they are fast- talkers and slow down if they speak slowly. The funny thing is, they will not realize you are “mirroring them.” They will subconsciously think, “Hey this person is just like me. I feel comfortable with them. I really would like to know them better.”
6. Make good eye contact- It is important to let the other person know that you are interested in what they have to say. Eye contact is one of the best ways to do that. Studies have shown that staring into a person’s eyes for a long period of time, makes people uncomfortable…Gazing away for long periods of time makes people think you are not interested in them. Timing is everything.
   It is suggested that you look into the persons eyes for fifteen to twenty seconds. Then look away slightly for three seconds. Repeating this process is a way of saying “I’m interested and want you to be comfortable with me.”
   If you are being seated at a restaurant, it is best to sit across from the person, preferably at forty-five degree angles to each other. In this manner it is easy to make eye contact and to break for three seconds by turning the head away slightly.
7. Avoid talking about yourself excessively- Yes, people may be polite and pretend to be interested in your life stories, but even the exciting ones can bore them. They were not there with you. To them this is a second-hand experience.
   Even if you are describing a luxurious gala dinner you attended, they did not taste the delicious food. They did not smell the wonderful aromas. They did not see the lavish decorations. They did not hear the laughter. Yes, they may laugh, but mostly to be polite.
   “Does this mean I should never talk about myself and my interests?” Of course not. You definitely should talk about yourself, but in moderation at first. And remember, people like to talk about themselves, so always encourage the other person to talk about themselves and their interests first.

Okay, so are we ready to get rid of the loneliness? Great!!

You know what to do… How to speak…, How to listen…How to carry yourself…How to act…

Now visualize yourself doing what is required…You easily and effortlessly make opportunities to befriend people…You assert yourself and take positive action…See yourself…What you are wearing?… Look at your surroundings… Take a deep breath and you may even smell the perfume…the cologne…Sure smells great…You are so excited… Look at that wonderful smile on your face…You are confident…People are attracted to you…People want to get to know you better… You easily make good, sincere friends…You now chose to let loneliness fade away …Say goodbye to the loneliness…Allow it to leave…Watch that lonely person that was you, float away…Far far away…Wave goodbye to the old you…And welcome the new confident friendly you…You expect good results….

You feel wonderful… You feel great….You feel happy… You are loved…

“When I grow up, I’m going to be a big, strong, powerful hero.”

As young children, we have wonderful visions of who or what we will become when we grow up. Remember how much fun we had laughing, playing, pretending and being silly, with no care in the world, believing that the future will be bright and wonderful? Do you remember a special time in your life or a photograph of yourself with that big confident smile on your face, the one where you felt like you could conquer the world?

What happened to that child? What happened to those dreams? Where did they disappear to?
Those wonderful dreams from long ago, unfortunately, got buried and covered up by well meaning parents and teachers who, oddly enough, wanted the best for us, who wanted nothing more than for us to succeed and excel. They got buried by the school system, where we learned to compare ourselves to others, where we learned to strive for perfection, but at the same time, we developed feelings of inadequacy, of not being good enough. We learned to be our worst critic.

As we grew older, we learned to shield ourselves from being hurt by developing layers upon layers of protection. Some people put up boundaries and some put on excess weight. We began to internalize our inadequacies, storing them deep inside of ourselves. We buried the dreams, and we buried the child.

We made less time for laughter and happiness and instead filled our minds with daily stresses. We worried more and more about the future. “Will I find happiness?” “Will I find the love I desire?” “Will I be successful?” “How will I support myself/ my family?” “How will I pay my bills?”

Somehow, with our minds filled with stresses and worries, we allowed ourselves to forget about that playful innocent young child with those wonderful dreams, hopes and expectations for the future.

It is now time to change all that!! It is time to shed the layers of protection we no longer need. For a few moments, imagine removing the excess layers, one by one, removing the layers that are now holding you back. It’s okay to remove them now. When we were younger they served a purpose. We needed them to shield us, to protect us from harm and to help us grow. Now we are older and wiser and they are somewhat constricting. We choose to free ourselves from them. Just as a tree needs the bark for protection while it grows, once it reaches a point when it is big and strong, it too begins to shed the bark that was formed to protect it. And as we remove those excess layers, we begin to feel so much lighter, so much freer and so much happier. If you wish it, if you allow it, you will begin to feel that young, happy child begin to emerge. Take a deep, deep breath and feel that child, that child that is you, breathe with you as one. It feels great, doesn’t it? Listen to the child’s laughter. Taste the happiness. Look at that big, happy, contagious smile on the child’s face. You actually feel yourself begin to smile too. The child, like a magical genie emerging from a bottle, is so grateful to be liberated. Give the child a big hug, and using your childhood name, tell the child “name, I love you, and will always be with you. I will never leave you. We are a team, from this moment on. We will always be there for each other and will never ever be alone.”

Deep inside you now feel whole. You feel rejuvenated. You know that together with the child’s youthful energy and your maturity, life experiences and intelligence, you can and will conquer all.

Follow your dreams….

Follow your passion….

Follow the road to success, peace of mind, good health and happiness…..

From the moment we are born, we have all sorts of inputs: inputs from our parents, teachers, siblings, playmates, school, television and movies. We are also taught rules of religion, or family beliefs and customs which are all contributing factors to who we are today and how we experience the world.

When we are born we hear the “oohs” and “ahhs” of wonderment and excitement when people see us. We are introduced to love, pride and joy as the happy parents, relatives, friends of the family and even strangers gaze in amazement at this new miraculous creation; you. We are introduced to the wonderful feeling of approval and positive attention. “Oh how cute…Oh how sweet…Look at those tiny hands and feet…Oh how I love that wonderful baby smell…What soft skin…Oh how innocent.”

Yes, those are wonderful times. And yes those are wonderful memories.

“How can you say they are memories? We were babies then. We couldn’t understand anything.”

Some scientists believe that we are actually born with memories that already exist in our genes and cells at the time of conception. How we look, the color of our eyes, the color of our skin, the texture of our hair, even our smiles are similar to one of our parents or blood relatives. Some actually feel that we have memories that go far back, back into past lives.

During the time that we are carried inside our mother’s womb, we are able to sense and feel and pick up vibrations from the outside world. This makes it possible for us to somewhat comprehend and interpret our future experiences as a real person.

From the moment we are born, all our experiences are stored in our subconscious minds, and turn into memories that will be used later on in life, as needed. Some memories are positive and others aren’t. However, we interpret experiences with the mind, the language and understanding of a child.

Most of our emotions and experiences are imprinted in our minds before the age of six, with the understanding and interpretation of a six year old. The memories pop up and give us warnings, “Watch out! Remember when a similar thing happened to you and you were so hurt, you cried and cried?  You better watch out. Don’t let that happen to you again.”

Memories are meant to help us deal with situations as we experience them and to help protect us from similar occurrences. These memories are stored and remain in our minds for a lifetime.

We must remember however, that many memories are those that were imprinted in the mind of a six year old, with the understanding of a six year old that needed to be protected and guided.

As children, we experienced different sorts of strong, painful emotions and developed reactions that remain with us, hold us back and sometimes even hurt us, as adults.

1. We learned to be afraid and to worry. Fear is a reality we created as a child and yet experience as adults. How ironic that what we fear and worry about rarely happens. We waste valuable time worrying, rather than facing the challenge and dealing with it.

2. We developed low self esteem. “What if I’m not good enough?” “I’m afraid to try, I might mess it up.”

3. We worry about the opinion of others. “Boy, I can’t believe I actually said that. I wonder if they think I’m stupid.”

Since all memories are stored in our subconscious minds, they continue to pop up in attempts to help guide us and protect us. The problem is that we are no longer children. We have had many life experiences and have learned a lot as we matured and grew older. The warnings that were crucial to a child are no longer necessary today.

So how do we put an end to negative thoughts?

There are numerous ways to deal with them:

1. If a negative voice pops into your head and makes you doubt yourself and says, “Are you crazy? You can’t do that. It’s dangerous.” You can decide to listen to the voice or not. The voice doesn’t have the last word. You can respond, with a loud clear voice, feeling confident and powerful, “Yes I can!”
2. If what the voice is saying is upsetting you, questioning what you believe, making you doubt what you know to be true, you simply listen to the voice, think about it for a moment or two and then respond to the voice and say, “Thank you for your opinion.”
3. If a negative voice pops up and says, “Boy you sure are a klutz. Something always happens to you.” You can disagree and respond using a loud, strong, confident voice, while feeling the emotion, “That’s not true!!”
4. If something at work got messed up and the voice pops up saying, “You messed up again.” Remember that there are always outside forces and events out there that contribute to the outcome. Do not take it personally. Make every effort to push taking sole responsibility for an act away from you. Respond to the voice in a strong, emphatic, forceful voice, “It’s not about only me. I refuse to take the blame. “

It is interesting to note that negative, painful, embarrassing memories, get locked into the subconscious mind and pop up more often than happy memories. They tend to overpower happy, positive memories, such as those of success, happiness, love and achievement. The reason for that is that negative situations are felt, experienced and remembered more deeply and the hurt, pain and embarrassment last longer than experiences of happiness, pride, success and achievement.

If you won the Spelling Bee you would of course be proud and happy, but since we have been taught to be modest for the most part, you might say “oh it was just a lucky guess.” We tend to downplay positive experiences so that we don’t appear to be boastful. The event is not experienced as strongly as a negative situation and therefore becomes less memorable.

What we must do from now on, is to put an end to those negative childhood voices and memories that discourage us , that make us question ourselves, that upset us and confuse us and make us feel as if we’re not good enough.

We can easily make our wonderful, positive accomplishments and experiences overpower the old negative beliefs that were formed as young children. The new voices that we create will be those of a motivating, positive, powerful adult.

Think of a wonderful accomplishment in your life… a time that you were really proud of yourself…or perhaps a time you were filled with joy… a time you achieved something important… Close your eyes and be there… See what you are wearing…. Are there people around you? They must be amazed, impressed by you…They are so happy for you…So proud of you…How are you feeling? Feel the pride, the joy, the sense of accomplishment… Make the feeling stronger and stronger… Move the picture closer and closer… Make it bigger and bigger…Allow yourself to really feel it… and with a closed fist raise your right arm and shout out as loudly and with as much positive emotion as possible, “YESSSSS!!!” Feel the wonderful feeling…Let it flow through your body, mind and soul… ”YESSSS!!!”

Remember this powerful feeling. Remember the powerful hand motion. This motion is known as a trigger. From now on, whenever something positive happens to you or you accomplish something, make that powerful fist of success and raise your arms, feel the power and yell out “YESSSSS!!!” Each time you do this, you make the trigger and the memory stronger and stronger and more memorable, thereby overpowering the negative memories that were created and stored in your subconscious mind as a child.

What do I need a trigger for? How do I use it?

What we need and want is to put an end to negative thoughts. In order to do that, we must quiet the negative thought. This is easily accomplished by using the positive trigger when and if we feel we need empowerment. Using the trigger will create a feeling of empowerment, of confidence and a knowing that you can handle it and all will be okay. Try it. Make that powerful fist of success now. Say “YESSSSS!!” It feels great, doesn’t it?

Now think of a negative thought or memory. Think about it for a few seconds. The moment you begin to feel the hurt, the pain or disappointment, make that powerful fist of success, and raise your arm up, saying loudly, “YESSSSS!!”  The hurt, the disappointment, the pain begins to decrease. It doesn’t seem so bad after all.

Remember, you possess a wonderful magical tool that will help empower you whenever you are feeling down. You have a tool with you always, which can be used at any time, to stop the negative thoughts and voices. Just make that powerful fist of success and happily yell out loud, with a sense of belief and empowerment, “YESSSS!!!”

-By: Maggie Ferenczi Ph.D., M.P.H.

Anger reminds us that there is a problem that needs our attention and understanding and needs to be resolved.

Anger doesn’t just pop into our heads out of nowhere. In order for a person to experience anger, something had to happen to trigger the anger.

Did you lose your keys? Did you get a flat tire? Are you late for work?

We often feel angry when irritating situations cause us to feel as if we’ve lost control.

When something happens that causes the mind to recall a similar incident that occurred in the past, which resulted in either physical or emotional pain – or both  – or something that caused the person to feel frightened, threatened, abused, frustrated, upset, weakened, blocked, unappreciated or neglected; anger is the resulting response.

The brain searches its memory bank in a matter of nanoseconds in attempts to remember the lessons learned and reacts rapidly in a “fight or flight mode” searching for an appropriate survival technique. “How do I survive this threat? What can I do to stop the pain? Should I walk away? Should I yell back? Should I defend myself? Why is this happening again? Is it my fault he reacted so badly?”   All kinds of questions race through the mind. The response/reaction often results in angry outbursts of confusion, misunderstandings, hurt feelings and insults, which like before, will be stored in the memory bank as frightening, upsetting, painful emotional baggage, only to pop up again at a later date.

How can we prevent anger from creating havoc in our lives?

1.  We must remember that conflict, tension and anger are inevitable aspects in all human   relationships. Expressing anger in a calm assertive manner will help one walk away from the situation with a sense of personal power and self worth, while holding on to the anger and stuffing it will make one feel devastated, broken and sick.

2.   It is important to welcome anger and to view anger as an old friend who is looking out for us and warning us when it senses that something may be going wrong.

3.   It is important to react in an assertive manner and to use “I” to describe your opinion rather than arguing, accusing, pointing fingers, putting blame and name calling. You are merely clarifying how you feel about a situation without insulting anyone.

4.   Take responsibility for any part of an issue that you can accept as being your own. This is a first step in building a bridge to ending anger. “I can see how you might have misinterpreted what I was saying.”

5.   State what changes are necessary and suggested for the future that would help prevent and resolve future misunderstandings. “In the future, I would appreciate it if you…..”

6.   Remember, you don’t always have to be “right.”  The other person thinks he is also right. Arguing about who is right would be a no win situation.

7.   Do not become defensive.  It is important to listen to and try to understand why a person is angry, but you do not owe anyone an explanation. Responding angrily and acting defensively merely creates barriers to reaching an understanding.

8.   Brainstorm options.  Look for different options that will help resolve the issue that caused the anger. It may be necessary to compromise; thereby the anger can be released and each person gets a little bit of what they desire.

9.   Create agreements that you are comfortable with.  It is unwise to make promises that make you feel uncomfortable since they will create bitterness and anger in the future.

10.  Paraphrase and ask for clarification when an agreement has been reached.  When each party repeats what was agreed to, they ascertain that their wishes and desires and needs are understood.
Communicating effectively and controlling outbreaks of anger is simple. So take the step. Let’s   make this world a more peaceful happier place to live.

Isn’t it nice to fantasize?  “I would be so happy if I lost all that extra weight.”  “How wonderful life would be if I got an increase in my salary.”  “I would be so pleased, so motivated to excel, if only I would get the appreciation and the recognition I desire and deserve for my hard work.”   “Mmmm, it would be so great if my sexual fantasies became a reality.”  Are these thoughts just a fantasy or are they a need? What is holding you back from making them a reality?

We all have legitimate needs that are important for our physical and psychological health.
Physical needs- From the day we are born we all need clean air to breathe. We need some sort of nourishment, food to eat and water to drink. We need sleep. And of course, we need shelter and clothing.

Emotional needs- We have many emotional needs that are essential to our survival. But for some strange reason, they are often overlooked, forgotten or omitted from our daily lives.

We need to love and be loved, and to have some sort of companionship… When we complete a task, a project or a chore, we need recognition and appreciation… If we do well, we need to be congratulated… And, if we mess up, we need understanding and forgiveness…We need to be respected and need to give respect… We need to remember that we are special and that nobody has the right to insult us, belittle us and call us names… We have to block the hurtful words coming at us and always need to remind ourselves that we are not the one with the problems. They are the ones with displaced anger and are projecting it on us.

Social needs- We all need time to be with others and time to be with ourselves. We need to feel that we are important in someone’s life and that we are making some sort of contribution to others.
Intellectual needs- Our minds need information, stimulation, opportunities for growth, to solve problems and to handle challenges. Our minds also need time to laugh, time to play and time to rest.
Spiritual, moral needs- We all need to have the freedom to choose our own standards of behavior and beliefs and to find our own direction and our own way in order to value the life we live. We need to search for meaning and answers, whether it is a belief in God, a higher power, the universe or a belief in mankind or love.

We all have needs that we must have met in order to survive, such as the aforementioned food, water and love. But we also have desires that are not essential for existence, but “oh how great it would be, if only…”

Even though some needs are not essential for existence, fulfilling those needs, those fantasies, would usually make you a healthier, happier, more content person. Acting like a martyr on the other hand and abandoning your wishes and dreams would only create discomfort and disappointment.
What do I do to get what I want?

1. Visualize yourself making the request and getting what you want. See yourself taking the first step. Feel the confidence. See the surprised look on the face of the person you are speaking to. You are a changed person and deserve and demand respect. It feels great to voice your desires – your needs, in a confident manner. Listen to your assertive voice. You are able to find just the right words to express your needs and get the results you require.  You feel wonderful. You feel great.

Remember this is important to you. What are you wearing? How are you standing? Look at the confidence in your body. Listen to your voice. Look at the reaction of the person you are talking to. They never expected this kind of behavior from you. They are shocked. They are actually impressed and surprised. Notice the slight smile they’re holding back on their face, in disbelief. Make the picture bigger and bigger. Bring it closer and closer. Believe you can do it. You feel great!!

2. Prior to making your move observe yourself in the mirror and listen to   your voice on a tape or MP3 to practice necessary changes required in your posture and voice.

3. Take the first step.  Decide to make your first request the least threatening reasonable “want “ you desire.

4. Be confident  Sit or stand erect and bend or move your body forward, to make sure you are close enough and have their attention.  Uncross your arms and legs and keep your hands out of your pocket. Maintain good eye contact. Speak clearly and confidently.

Remember, this is something that is important to you and you feel you want it!!   Begging, saying please, whining and being soft spoken and apologetic will ensure you do not get what you desire. Assertiveness will.

5. Ask for it- If you feel that you really want and need something, and it is important to you, remember, it is important to you, and you have the right to ask for it.

As they say with the lottery “if you’re not in it, you can’t win it.” If you don’t ask for or go after your desire, nobody will know you want it.

6. Specify exactly what you need   Requests are easier to grant when the circumstances are clear. The situation, the time, the place, the desired end result must be understood and unthreatening. Using phrases such as “I think…”  “I feel…” “From now on…”  “I want…” “When…” help you specify exactly what you need and want.

7. Keep your request short and simple and to the point. Describe what specific change, item or behavior you desire.  “I need you to notice how hard I work and remember to say “thank you, I appreciate the effort.”

People are more likely to say “yes” to a clear, simple request.

8. Be assertive. Remember that when we communicate, our bodies as well as our voices give off important messages. Are we confident or are we a wimp?

9. Mention the positive end results of being given what you desire. “When you show appreciation for my work, I am motivated to accomplish more.” “Fulfilling our fantasies can add fun to our lives.”

10. Celebrate- You’ve done it!! How wonderful. What a wonderful rewarding experience it is to be able to ask for what you want, instead of just dreaming about it.

Practice, practice, practice, voicing your needs. With a little experience, the “yeses” will come pouring in. You will notice how much happier you feel and how wonderful life can be …when you get what you want.