P.S. Never fear, lovelies, our Fast Food Guide is coming up next. This is reserved for real restaurants: places where food isn’t described as “happy”.

1. MENU PAGES. If you live in or near New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Philadelphia, Boston, Washington D.C., Miami or South Florida, or San Francisco, odds are you’ll be able to find the restaurant you’re going to. Read the menu BEFORE you leave the house. (menupages.com) Choose your meal and stick to it.
2. PUT DOWN THE BREAD. Don’t. Even. Touch. It. Especially if you’re shilling for an appetizer – you’re spending money on great food and you want to be able to enjoy it: save your appetite.
3. CHECK PORTIONS. It’s perfectly ordinary to order an appetizer or soup and a salad, as a complete meal. If you know the portions to be large (check citysearch.com to find reviews), consider this option. You can get the best meal without sacrifice. Otherwise, steel yourself to skip both bread and appetizer.
4. EAT SLOWLY AND DRINK WATER. This will slow your system down, and you’ll be able to tell the difference between hunger and gorging.
5. NEVER SKIP A MEAL. Don’t think that you’ll be better off if you don’t eat a thing until your date. You’ll be twice as likely to gorge, and then you’ll be wasting calories and pouring in the fat like a Byzantine.
6. SPLIT THE APPETIZER. If you order an appetizer, see if someone will split it with you. If not, look for clearly low-calorie foods, such as low-dairy vegetarian items, broth-based or tomato-based soups (free of words like “creamy”) such as minestrone or gazpacho.
7. GRILLED, BAKED, STEAMED, BROILED, or POACHED. These are the words you need to look for. Any entrée prepared in these manners will be healthier than other options because the cooking methods don’t require much added fat.
8. VEGGIES! Order lots of them. Watch the potatoes, of course, but if you desperately feel the need to pad your entrée, order plain and simple veggie sides. They’re assured to be guiltless. (Except for things like creamed spinach. But really, you haven’t eaten any bread…it’s not THAT bad).
9. SPLIT DESSERT AND BE GENEROUS. Let him eat most of it – his body resists fat naturally. If you can’t agree on a dessert and you simply must have something sweet, order the seasonal fruit plate or coffee with liqueur.
10. CHATTY CATHY. Don’t behave like a neurotic, but distract yourself with conversation. This is an opportunity to get involved in a dialogue: bring up stimulating topics; this is a chance for you to get to know a new friend, or have fun with an old friend. Conversation distracts from food.

“What is this loneliness I am feeling? Who can I call? I feel like sharing my thoughts, but with whom? No matter what I do, that strange awful feeling follows me around. I am confused. I do have some friends and I do have a job, and yet…I am lonely.”

Loneliness is a negative mental and emotional state, portrayed by feelings of isolation and a lack of meaningful relationships.

Some loneliness is temporary. For example, when one goes to a party or a singles dance, and they don’t see a familiar face and don’t have anyone to talk to, they may feel alone. It is however important to remember that this is a normal state…Being in a crowded room can be lonely. Being in a crowded room, is not enough to make one overcome loneliness…We must always remind ourselves that this type of situation is temporary.

When one however, has few friends to share good times with, or when one lacks the affection they crave, it is important to remedy the situation. We are all aware of the fact that it is possible to meet people at school, at work, at clubs, at the laundromat and many other places.

“Okay…so how do I make friends when I go to those places? I am friendly, but am not sure what to say. I don’t want to sound stupid.”

Studies have indicated that many people have “personal magnetism,” “charm” and “charisma.” But what if you don’t? Don’t worry. That’s not a problem. Although people think that one is born with these gifts, the truth is that they can be, and in most situations are learned.

The major method to attract others to you is by developing an “attractive” personality. If your personality seems attractive to others, they will be attracted to you, whether you are physically attractive or not.

Remember, if you want to be more attractive to others, and say goodbye to the loneliness, it can and will happen. The way people react to you is in your control.

Follow these simple rules, and you will attract friends and will be well liked…

1. Pay honest compliments – Look for something you genuinely admire in a person and express it verbally and sincerely. Don’t ever make anything up.
   “I love that dress. It has such beautiful colors.”
   “Your jokes are really amusing.”
   “Thank you for sharing that information with me.”
   “Wow, I never knew that!!”
2. Remember that we all have an ego- It is crucial to concentrate your attention on the needs of the person with whom you are talking, and to put your own needs aside temporarily. Make the other person feel important. Ask yourself, ”What would make this person feel valued?” When you feed the other person’s ego with sincerity, they will appreciate you and want to get to know you better.
3. Smile often– We are all aware of the adage, “Laugh and the world laughs with you..Cry and you cry alone.” When you smile, you attract people to you. When you frown, people will tend to avoid you. A genuine smile indicates many things.“I am interested in getting to know you.”
   “I feel good.”
   “I’m enjoying myself.”It is interesting to note that when you will yourself to smile, your emotional state will follow. Also remember, a smile is contagious.
4. Be a good listener - When you are having a conversation with someone, it is important to let them know you are interested in their thoughts and are listening to what they are saying. Saying “uh huh” or nodding your head indicates you are listening.
5. Mirror the person you are with – This is a simple little trick you can do to be well liked and perceived as an empathetic person.
   Match the other persons facial expression, smiling or frowning when they do. Match the way they stand, their body movements and the way they speak. Speak quickly if they are fast- talkers and slow down if they speak slowly. The funny thing is, they will not realize you are “mirroring them.” They will subconsciously think, “Hey this person is just like me. I feel comfortable with them. I really would like to know them better.”
6. Make good eye contact- It is important to let the other person know that you are interested in what they have to say. Eye contact is one of the best ways to do that. Studies have shown that staring into a person’s eyes for a long period of time, makes people uncomfortable…Gazing away for long periods of time makes people think you are not interested in them. Timing is everything.
   It is suggested that you look into the persons eyes for fifteen to twenty seconds. Then look away slightly for three seconds. Repeating this process is a way of saying “I’m interested and want you to be comfortable with me.”
   If you are being seated at a restaurant, it is best to sit across from the person, preferably at forty-five degree angles to each other. In this manner it is easy to make eye contact and to break for three seconds by turning the head away slightly.
7. Avoid talking about yourself excessively- Yes, people may be polite and pretend to be interested in your life stories, but even the exciting ones can bore them. They were not there with you. To them this is a second-hand experience.
   Even if you are describing a luxurious gala dinner you attended, they did not taste the delicious food. They did not smell the wonderful aromas. They did not see the lavish decorations. They did not hear the laughter. Yes, they may laugh, but mostly to be polite.
   “Does this mean I should never talk about myself and my interests?” Of course not. You definitely should talk about yourself, but in moderation at first. And remember, people like to talk about themselves, so always encourage the other person to talk about themselves and their interests first.

Okay, so are we ready to get rid of the loneliness? Great!!

You know what to do… How to speak…, How to listen…How to carry yourself…How to act…

Now visualize yourself doing what is required…You easily and effortlessly make opportunities to befriend people…You assert yourself and take positive action…See yourself…What you are wearing?… Look at your surroundings… Take a deep breath and you may even smell the perfume…the cologne…Sure smells great…You are so excited… Look at that wonderful smile on your face…You are confident…People are attracted to you…People want to get to know you better… You easily make good, sincere friends…You now chose to let loneliness fade away …Say goodbye to the loneliness…Allow it to leave…Watch that lonely person that was you, float away…Far far away…Wave goodbye to the old you…And welcome the new confident friendly you…You expect good results….

You feel wonderful… You feel great….You feel happy… You are loved…

From the moment we are born, we have all sorts of inputs: inputs from our parents, teachers, siblings, playmates, school, television and movies. We are also taught rules of religion, or family beliefs and customs which are all contributing factors to who we are today and how we experience the world.

When we are born we hear the “oohs” and “ahhs” of wonderment and excitement when people see us. We are introduced to love, pride and joy as the happy parents, relatives, friends of the family and even strangers gaze in amazement at this new miraculous creation; you. We are introduced to the wonderful feeling of approval and positive attention. “Oh how cute…Oh how sweet…Look at those tiny hands and feet…Oh how I love that wonderful baby smell…What soft skin…Oh how innocent.”

Yes, those are wonderful times. And yes those are wonderful memories.

“How can you say they are memories? We were babies then. We couldn’t understand anything.”

Some scientists believe that we are actually born with memories that already exist in our genes and cells at the time of conception. How we look, the color of our eyes, the color of our skin, the texture of our hair, even our smiles are similar to one of our parents or blood relatives. Some actually feel that we have memories that go far back, back into past lives.

During the time that we are carried inside our mother’s womb, we are able to sense and feel and pick up vibrations from the outside world. This makes it possible for us to somewhat comprehend and interpret our future experiences as a real person.

From the moment we are born, all our experiences are stored in our subconscious minds, and turn into memories that will be used later on in life, as needed. Some memories are positive and others aren’t. However, we interpret experiences with the mind, the language and understanding of a child.

Most of our emotions and experiences are imprinted in our minds before the age of six, with the understanding and interpretation of a six year old. The memories pop up and give us warnings, “Watch out! Remember when a similar thing happened to you and you were so hurt, you cried and cried?  You better watch out. Don’t let that happen to you again.”

Memories are meant to help us deal with situations as we experience them and to help protect us from similar occurrences. These memories are stored and remain in our minds for a lifetime.

We must remember however, that many memories are those that were imprinted in the mind of a six year old, with the understanding of a six year old that needed to be protected and guided.

As children, we experienced different sorts of strong, painful emotions and developed reactions that remain with us, hold us back and sometimes even hurt us, as adults.

1. We learned to be afraid and to worry. Fear is a reality we created as a child and yet experience as adults. How ironic that what we fear and worry about rarely happens. We waste valuable time worrying, rather than facing the challenge and dealing with it.

2. We developed low self esteem. “What if I’m not good enough?” “I’m afraid to try, I might mess it up.”

3. We worry about the opinion of others. “Boy, I can’t believe I actually said that. I wonder if they think I’m stupid.”

Since all memories are stored in our subconscious minds, they continue to pop up in attempts to help guide us and protect us. The problem is that we are no longer children. We have had many life experiences and have learned a lot as we matured and grew older. The warnings that were crucial to a child are no longer necessary today.

So how do we put an end to negative thoughts?

There are numerous ways to deal with them:

1. If a negative voice pops into your head and makes you doubt yourself and says, “Are you crazy? You can’t do that. It’s dangerous.” You can decide to listen to the voice or not. The voice doesn’t have the last word. You can respond, with a loud clear voice, feeling confident and powerful, “Yes I can!”
2. If what the voice is saying is upsetting you, questioning what you believe, making you doubt what you know to be true, you simply listen to the voice, think about it for a moment or two and then respond to the voice and say, “Thank you for your opinion.”
3. If a negative voice pops up and says, “Boy you sure are a klutz. Something always happens to you.” You can disagree and respond using a loud, strong, confident voice, while feeling the emotion, “That’s not true!!”
4. If something at work got messed up and the voice pops up saying, “You messed up again.” Remember that there are always outside forces and events out there that contribute to the outcome. Do not take it personally. Make every effort to push taking sole responsibility for an act away from you. Respond to the voice in a strong, emphatic, forceful voice, “It’s not about only me. I refuse to take the blame. “

It is interesting to note that negative, painful, embarrassing memories, get locked into the subconscious mind and pop up more often than happy memories. They tend to overpower happy, positive memories, such as those of success, happiness, love and achievement. The reason for that is that negative situations are felt, experienced and remembered more deeply and the hurt, pain and embarrassment last longer than experiences of happiness, pride, success and achievement.

If you won the Spelling Bee you would of course be proud and happy, but since we have been taught to be modest for the most part, you might say “oh it was just a lucky guess.” We tend to downplay positive experiences so that we don’t appear to be boastful. The event is not experienced as strongly as a negative situation and therefore becomes less memorable.

What we must do from now on, is to put an end to those negative childhood voices and memories that discourage us , that make us question ourselves, that upset us and confuse us and make us feel as if we’re not good enough.

We can easily make our wonderful, positive accomplishments and experiences overpower the old negative beliefs that were formed as young children. The new voices that we create will be those of a motivating, positive, powerful adult.

Think of a wonderful accomplishment in your life… a time that you were really proud of yourself…or perhaps a time you were filled with joy… a time you achieved something important… Close your eyes and be there… See what you are wearing…. Are there people around you? They must be amazed, impressed by you…They are so happy for you…So proud of you…How are you feeling? Feel the pride, the joy, the sense of accomplishment… Make the feeling stronger and stronger… Move the picture closer and closer… Make it bigger and bigger…Allow yourself to really feel it… and with a closed fist raise your right arm and shout out as loudly and with as much positive emotion as possible, “YESSSSS!!!” Feel the wonderful feeling…Let it flow through your body, mind and soul… ”YESSSS!!!”

Remember this powerful feeling. Remember the powerful hand motion. This motion is known as a trigger. From now on, whenever something positive happens to you or you accomplish something, make that powerful fist of success and raise your arms, feel the power and yell out “YESSSSS!!!” Each time you do this, you make the trigger and the memory stronger and stronger and more memorable, thereby overpowering the negative memories that were created and stored in your subconscious mind as a child.

What do I need a trigger for? How do I use it?

What we need and want is to put an end to negative thoughts. In order to do that, we must quiet the negative thought. This is easily accomplished by using the positive trigger when and if we feel we need empowerment. Using the trigger will create a feeling of empowerment, of confidence and a knowing that you can handle it and all will be okay. Try it. Make that powerful fist of success now. Say “YESSSSS!!” It feels great, doesn’t it?

Now think of a negative thought or memory. Think about it for a few seconds. The moment you begin to feel the hurt, the pain or disappointment, make that powerful fist of success, and raise your arm up, saying loudly, “YESSSSS!!”  The hurt, the disappointment, the pain begins to decrease. It doesn’t seem so bad after all.

Remember, you possess a wonderful magical tool that will help empower you whenever you are feeling down. You have a tool with you always, which can be used at any time, to stop the negative thoughts and voices. Just make that powerful fist of success and happily yell out loud, with a sense of belief and empowerment, “YESSSS!!!”

-By: Maggie Ferenczi Ph.D., M.P.H.