Conquering Loneliness

“Boy do I feel yucky!!! Why do I feel so depressed, bored and restless? Let’s see…I feel alienated, rejected, unloved and isolated… I got it, I am lonely!!!”

“What is this loneliness I am feeling? Who can I call? I feel like sharing my thoughts, but with whom? No matter what I do, that strange awful feeling follows me around. I am confused. I do have some friends and I do have a job, and yet…I am lonely.”

Loneliness is a negative mental and emotional state, portrayed by feelings of isolation and a lack of meaningful relationships.

Some loneliness is temporary. For example, when one goes to a party or a singles dance, and they don’t see a familiar face and don’t have anyone to talk to, they may feel alone. It is however important to remember that this is a normal state…Being in a crowded room can be lonely. Being in a crowded room, is not enough to make one overcome loneliness…We must always remind ourselves that this type of situation is temporary.

When one however, has few friends to share good times with, or when one lacks the affection they crave, it is important to remedy the situation. We are all aware of the fact that it is possible to meet people at school, at work, at clubs, at the laundromat and many other places.

“Okay…so how do I make friends when I go to those places? I am friendly, but am not sure what to say. I don’t want to sound stupid.”

Studies have indicated that many people have “personal magnetism,” “charm” and “charisma.” But what if you don’t? Don’t worry. That’s not a problem. Although people think that one is born with these gifts, the truth is that they can be, and in most situations are learned.

The major method to attract others to you is by developing an “attractive” personality. If your personality seems attractive to others, they will be attracted to you, whether you are physically attractive or not.

Remember, if you want to be more attractive to others, and say goodbye to the loneliness, it can and will happen. The way people react to you is in your control.

Follow these simple rules, and you will attract friends and will be well liked…

1. Pay honest compliments – Look for something you genuinely admire in a person and express it verbally and sincerely. Don’t ever make anything up.
   “I love that dress. It has such beautiful colors.”
   “Your jokes are really amusing.”
   “Thank you for sharing that information with me.”
   “Wow, I never knew that!!”
2. Remember that we all have an ego- It is crucial to concentrate your attention on the needs of the person with whom you are talking, and to put your own needs aside temporarily. Make the other person feel important. Ask yourself, ”What would make this person feel valued?” When you feed the other person’s ego with sincerity, they will appreciate you and want to get to know you better.
3. Smile often– We are all aware of the adage, “Laugh and the world laughs with you..Cry and you cry alone.” When you smile, you attract people to you. When you frown, people will tend to avoid you. A genuine smile indicates many things.“I am interested in getting to know you.”
   “I feel good.”
   “I’m enjoying myself.”It is interesting to note that when you will yourself to smile, your emotional state will follow. Also remember, a smile is contagious.
4. Be a good listener - When you are having a conversation with someone, it is important to let them know you are interested in their thoughts and are listening to what they are saying. Saying “uh huh” or nodding your head indicates you are listening.
5. Mirror the person you are with – This is a simple little trick you can do to be well liked and perceived as an empathetic person.
   Match the other persons facial expression, smiling or frowning when they do. Match the way they stand, their body movements and the way they speak. Speak quickly if they are fast- talkers and slow down if they speak slowly. The funny thing is, they will not realize you are “mirroring them.” They will subconsciously think, “Hey this person is just like me. I feel comfortable with them. I really would like to know them better.”
6. Make good eye contact- It is important to let the other person know that you are interested in what they have to say. Eye contact is one of the best ways to do that. Studies have shown that staring into a person’s eyes for a long period of time, makes people uncomfortable…Gazing away for long periods of time makes people think you are not interested in them. Timing is everything.
   It is suggested that you look into the persons eyes for fifteen to twenty seconds. Then look away slightly for three seconds. Repeating this process is a way of saying “I’m interested and want you to be comfortable with me.”
   If you are being seated at a restaurant, it is best to sit across from the person, preferably at forty-five degree angles to each other. In this manner it is easy to make eye contact and to break for three seconds by turning the head away slightly.
7. Avoid talking about yourself excessively- Yes, people may be polite and pretend to be interested in your life stories, but even the exciting ones can bore them. They were not there with you. To them this is a second-hand experience.
   Even if you are describing a luxurious gala dinner you attended, they did not taste the delicious food. They did not smell the wonderful aromas. They did not see the lavish decorations. They did not hear the laughter. Yes, they may laugh, but mostly to be polite.
   “Does this mean I should never talk about myself and my interests?” Of course not. You definitely should talk about yourself, but in moderation at first. And remember, people like to talk about themselves, so always encourage the other person to talk about themselves and their interests first.

Okay, so are we ready to get rid of the loneliness? Great!!

You know what to do… How to speak…, How to listen…How to carry yourself…How to act…

Now visualize yourself doing what is required…You easily and effortlessly make opportunities to befriend people…You assert yourself and take positive action…See yourself…What you are wearing?… Look at your surroundings… Take a deep breath and you may even smell the perfume…the cologne…Sure smells great…You are so excited… Look at that wonderful smile on your face…You are confident…People are attracted to you…People want to get to know you better… You easily make good, sincere friends…You now chose to let loneliness fade away …Say goodbye to the loneliness…Allow it to leave…Watch that lonely person that was you, float away…Far far away…Wave goodbye to the old you…And welcome the new confident friendly you…You expect good results….

You feel wonderful… You feel great….You feel happy… You are loved…